As a single woman in the workplace you clearly understand the value of economic and personal independence. Searching for a partner while working and supporting oneself can be challenging. This guide suggests ways to empower yourself to attract good men and deter unwanted attention.
If you are in a new job, you simply must learn the "company culture" like dress code, first names used, and working hours for persons in comparable jobs at your company. The person who hired you is probably a good source for this crucial information. Err on the side of more conservative dress, more restraint in sharing your personal life details, and less interest in office gossip. Make a good impression and be punctual and aim to meet deadlines and goals.
Your body language matters! Poise, good posture, eye contact, and self-control send positive signals. Refrain from touching your face and hair while talking. Your poise is attractive. It shows confidence. It commands respect.
In your search for courtship, Dr. Cutler emphasizes the importance of "going out to play" three times a week for about two hours at a time. The more time you spend out of the house speaking with men, the more practice you will have to develop your social skills, the more exposure to single men you will get, and the more invitations for dates you will receive.
Here are some places that you may find single men looking for a relationship:
1. Singles bars and clubs in your local area. (See Section on navigating bar scene)
2. Special interest clubs and groups.
3. Community service - serving others can make you happier as well. Radiating a positive, cheerful attitude will draw men toward you.
4. Religious institutions that will provide fellowship.
5. Dancing and sports - these keep you fit and busy, and who knows, maybe you will even meet somebody in the process.
6. Lessons and classes - learn something new and make new friends, but opt for topics both sexes can enjoy! Maybe not a class in embroidery…
7. Online dating and social media. (See next section.)
Once you make your list of places to go, practice going out to play productively. Here are some tips:
1. Go out to play for 2 hours at a time. Go out alone to safe places, rather than clumped in a group with friends. This transmits the message "I am single and available".
2. Be cheerful. Have good posture. Be kind and open to learning.
3. Wait patiently.
4. Speak with men who approach.
5. Leave after two hours. That's your practice for today.
6. Practice how to converse socially in an attractive way.
Social conversation with people whom you do not know is an acquired skill. Your goal is to become proficient. Good conversation is fluid and unpredictable. This takes practice. So even if your night out is kind of a bust and you aren't having a good time, think about the practice as a time to develop your social skills, tact, and grace.
During the course of your search, you will inevitably run into men who will try to impede your search for courtship or your independence as a woman. Develop your gracious conduct with them too. Practice and grow your skills.
1. Men at your Workplace
2. Men who state that they do not want to be in a serious relationship. If your goal is courtship, you want to find a man who shares a similar goal.
3. Men who are looking to "just be friends". These men will take time away from your search for courtship. Also your friendship is not destined to last long. Once you have a significant other, he will not want you spending time with your male "buddy".
4. Married men who claim: "my wife doesn't understand me". Why pursue someone saying he is a deceiver and will consider leaving his wife for you? Do not be misled into believing he will. Nor is it ethical to have a private, intimate relationship with anyone who can't openly see you. Sneaking around is bad for your sense of dignity, power, and joy. Don't start!
5. Men who claim he and his wife "have separated" but turn out to have the same address.
Most likely, there are singles bars and clubs in your local area. When going to a bar, look for a nicer place in your area to ensure safety. The bar in a luxury hotel is going to be safer for you than a waterfront sailors' bar!
1. When you arrive at the bar/club, assume a consumer's attitude. Stand near the doorway and scan the entire room for about a minute.
2. Then walk through the entire room as to disperse your pheromones through the place. Learn more about Dr. Cutler's .
3. Perch. Sit at a table by yourself, and maintain a cheerful demeanor and good posture. Now it's time to wait until you are approached.
4. Inevitably within the first 15 minutes of sitting there, you will most likely be approached by a man. He may ask to buy you a drink. At this point, it is your choice if you decide to accept his offer.
5. Always leave the bar or club by yourself. No pick-ups! Only exchange of phone number or email address.
- If you accept his offer, be courteous and stay with him for at least a couple of minutes and engage in conversation. If you decide after that time that you do not wish to speak to him anymore, be courteous and end the conversation.
- If you wish to decline his offer say no thank you and avert eye contact until your pursuer leaves. You can find details on how to do this in the book.
Protect yourself against this risk by following some of these rules of thumb.
1. Avoid the appearance of sexual availability to a man with whom you have not yet become friends. If you can't answer these questions, you do not know him. So be very cautious about any suggestions that you are "available" since you have not yet pre-cleared him for safety.
2. Be aware of your surroundings in any situation. If you notice something that doesn't seem quite right, immediately remove yourself from the potentially dangerous situation. Many women who have been assaulted recount in retrospect, "I had a weird feeling about the situation, but I decided to just ignore it". Always trust your gut.
3. Practice using and then carry safety tools: maybe pepper spray, maybe something else. Learn about these devices, practice, and carry them. Put it where it can be quickly and easily retrieved in a time of crisis, especially whenever walking places alone or when you feel uncomfortable in your situation.
Tips to online dating
The Positives of Online Dating: Online dating opens up an enormous group of single individuals to you. It allows you to meet new people without stepping too far out of your comfort zone.
Problems with online dating: Attraction is based on more than just looks. Pheromones are substances naturally excreted by an individual and received by another that elicits socio-sexual behavior in the latter. Biological attraction via body chemistry is an essential component of attraction between two individuals. You can't tell if you will have chemistry with a person until you meet in person. So avoid spending a significant amount of energy and time into talking to a person just to meet up and feel disappointed.
Want to know more about pheromones? See: Our Pheromones and Sexuality: The Current Research On Human Pheromones and Their Role in Sexual Attraction.
In many ways online dating is inefficient. Compared to going out to a social event where many single people are circulating, you are working only one at a time. Not very efficient! For ways to generate parties of single people who qualify as candidates, see Searching for Courtship.
For more information on Athena Institute's trade secret cosmetic synthetic pheromone additive see Introducing Athena Pheromone 10:13 the unique cosmetic fragrance additive for women.
Dr. Cutler recommends that whenever you are meeting somebody for the first time or for a first date, arrive independently with separate transportation so you can leave in a hurry if necessary. For more information about how to be safe on first dates see Chapter 5 in her book, Searching for Courtship.
It can be challenging to maintain a positive attitude if things aren't going your way. Here are some tips on how to keep yourself in good graces.
Take responsibility for your choices. Resolve to learn from error. Practice resilience. Do not weigh yourself down by blaming other people and having hatred within you. Move on!
Working singles often feel lonely. Try a shift of mindset. Think of time alone as an opportunity. As positive solitude. A time to take a break and ready yourself for your next task. (For more information on how to cope with loneliness, see chapter 2 of the book.
Spending spiritual, quiet time in community can fulfill your basic human need for interaction, while enhancing your spiritual being. This will develop your well-being and positive attitude.
For more information on getting spiritual and enhancing your qualities of integrity, which readies you to search for courtship, see chapter 2 of Dr. Cutler's book- Searching for Courtship.
Another way to maintain a positive attitude is to follow a social media account that will bring uplifting spurts of positivity into your life. These can be accessed through church websites and many other resources.
When you are in a monogamous, intimate relationship there are certain ways of behaving that can help you maintain this healthy relationship.
Here is the reason for abstaining from sex during menstruation. Study by Athena Institute Shows Sex during Menstruation May be Harmful.
If you are in an abusive relationship, remember that there are resources out there for you. The national domestic violence hotline is a 24/7 service that you can use. To contact them, call 1-800-799-7233 or go to http://www.thehotline.org.