We live our lives dreading the topic of death, lest we provoke the Grim Reaper, Azrael, Yama, or whatever names we choose to personify death with. We understand that our time on earth is fleeting, and we are uncertain of when we will be unable to make the morning rush. I joined the hospice program to learn more about how one can best approach the conversation about the end of life. My grandmother (who is my inspiration for joining the program) is going through a less aggressive treatment regimen, but there was a time we spent weeks expected to hear the dreaded call. Everyday I would repeat to myself the words, “she will be in lesser pain.” It hurt me to see all the harmful effects the medicines had on her.
I got my own patient, Abigail, after observing my peers on visits with their patients. Although I was nervous about how to initiate conversation during my first visit, I was surprised that she was ready to engage in conversation with me. Abbie was happy to see me at every visit; though she never said it, she would smile whenever she spoke to me. She didn’t seem to mind when I said goodbye, which puzzled me. I still wonder if she had heard many goodbyes or if she just wasn’t bothered because she knew she would see me again.
I know for certain that I have gained an immense vocabulary that will assist in delivering the dreaded news to the family of my patient. I can give a detailed account of our interactions, but I will never feel what they will be feeling. My biggest takeaway from this program is being able to talk to the patient and their family as if I’m in their shoes. The program has taught me to be honest about death and how to help decrease fear of death. The medical field is now progressing to be more aware and accepting of death. Whether I’m learning about new medicine for my grandmother or how to say goodbye to Abbie, I am also taking steps to increase awareness about end-of-life care and the process of dying.