I have never been particularly scared of death. To me, death is a natural thing that must happen to everyone, no matter the circumstances of their life. As a famous quote says: “The only things that are certain in life are change and death.” However, I still have never witnessed death in my life firsthand, so I had a relatively neutral stance towards it.
The most memorable experience I’ve had while volunteering at a hospice was my brief time spent with Mary. I was having an average day volunteering when a nurse asked me to hold the hand of a patient who was actively dying. She was alone with no family in her room, and I didn’t think I would be too affected by this, so I agreed. I sat by her bed and held her hand while she was laying in bed. I watched her as breathing became slower and slower, and eventually she just stopped. The nurse checked her heartbeat, and then determined that she had passed. It was a very peaceful death, and the room was silent. It wasn’t until a few minutes after I left the room when the sadness hit me. I was surprised by the tears that kept coming even though I barely knew her. I thought about how she was alive when I started holding her hand, but she was gone when I let go. Just like that.
In hindsight, I am also glad that I could be there for her. I am glad that she didn’t have to be alone in her final moments, and I am glad that my presence offered her at least a bit of comfort. The nurse told me that she was an artist and had a lot of family who loved and cared about her. She lived a long life, and I hope that she passed with no regrets. With this experience, I have decided that I will try to celebrate life rather than lament death. Naturally, there will be grieving after any death, but afterwards, I believe that it is far more important and valuable to remember someone for the life they led, rather than focusing on how and when they die.
In this program, I have obtained experiences that I would not have been able to acquire anywhere else. I have learned more about death and how to communicate with patients who are close to death. Death may be inevitable, but that means that our time on Earth doing things with people we love is much more valuable. As I continue my career as a medical student, my experience with this program will remain irreplaceable. Many medical students lack experience in this matter and may feel like the death of a patient reflects a failure or lack of skill on their part, when in reality, it is a natural fact of life. I am so grateful to have had this opportunity.