I started volunteering with hospice in the fall of 2019 because I wanted to give back after my grandmother was cared for by amazon hospice nurses before passing away in December 2018. I thought that this would be an experience to express gratitude and hopefully make a difference in my patients’ lives. I did not, however, anticipate the immense ways that it would change my life and shift my perspectives not only on death and dying, but also on living.
Throughout the fall, I looked forward to my weekly visits with Dorinda (name changed for anonymity). Due to her short-term memory loss, she was unable to recount many life events, including often not remembering that her husband had died two years ago. During our first few visits, I did my best to get to know her by asking her about her children, whom she loved very much, and flipping through photo albums. I soon realized though that she didn’t really seem to be getting anything from the visits, and I wanted to find a way to make a meaningful impact on her life. One day, I noticed that she had a stack of crossword and Sudoku puzzle books sitting in the corner of the room, and I asked if she would want to do one with me. Her face instantly lit up, and I was hopeful that I had discovered a meaningful activity for us to share. From that point on, we did crossword puzzles together every time I visited and she expressed it was the most fun she had all day. When I would find a few words in a row, she would get competitive and try to beat me by finding the next words. From this, I learned that hospice volunteering wasn’t necessarily going to look how I anticipated, but knowing that I was able to bring joy to Dorinda’s days made me feel like I was having a worthwhile impact.
While patient visits have been a weekly highlight, the resource and reflection meetings have also been a monthly highlight of my experience while volunteering with hospice, as well as responding to the reflection prompts. My favorite quotation from the most recent prompt comes from Dr. Sunita Puri, who wrote “understanding death as inevitable is necessary to appreciate the beauty and meaning of life,” and through volunteering I have learned a lot about life. I learned that most of the things we think matter now won’t matter later. What matters in the end is family, friends, and memories, and I seek to make my own life more meaningful by placing emphasis on these things as opposed to material possessions. I also learned that we have so much to learn from each other. Everyone has a unique story and perspective on life, and we can enrich our own lives by listening to others. Finally, I learned that even during the most difficult times and in seemingly bleak situations, there is joy, love, and laughter to be found. I am so grateful to have had this experience, and I know that it will have a huge impact on my future career as a physician. To close, I will provide another one of my favorite quotations from Dr. Puri’s The Lesson of Impermanence: “impermanence does not necessarily lead to suffering. What makes us suffer is wanting things to be permanent when they are not.”