The story of my relationship with Agnes does not unravel as a movie plot with shocking turns, plentiful clichés and joyous moments of great splendor. It was not a difficult connection but one that did require work, as there were times when I was unsure of what to say or whether my time spent with her was meaningful as a momentous cap to a long and impactful life. Agnes is in hospice, meaning that her life is expected to come to an end soon, and my position as a volunteer is to peacefully coexist alongside her during her final days on earth. She is 97 years old and still coherent, still laughing, and has a better memory than most of my peers. Though Agnes is bed-ridden and cannot move, I developed a strong relationship with her in her stuffy half-room, cut down the center by a frail curtain, by introducing her to my world as I delved deeper into hers.
I recall my nerves prior to our first meeting, wondering if I had prepared enough for the visit and fearing that Agnes would be uncomfortable with my presence. My fears were soon alleviated as I found her to be sweet, genuine, and humorous. I often asked her questions about her life, to which she responded with profound answers that displayed her miraculous sense of memory, but I also discovered that “Agnes” found great joy in asking about my life. She seemed to find solace in asking questions about college, classes, girls, and my family. A moment that I will carry for years to come was when I told Agnes that my father had just left town on a business trip and a week later, upon entering for my visit, she asked if my father had arrived home safely. I knew at that time that her memory was particularly special for her age and through simple comments like this, I was able to connect to her warm heart and compassion.
It comes as no surprise that the most effective doctors and healthcare workers can not only diagnose illnesses, but also are comfortable with establishing small connections with patients. A sense of raw human communication opens doors for patients to reveal potentially significant information about their livelihood, which may contribute to a more accurate diagnosis. Considering these two disciplines to hopefully become a proficient physician one day, it is comforting that hospice volunteering focuses solely on connection building, a skill which can never be too refined and will always hold importance. I found that each week that I returned to Agnes’s bedside, there was another welcoming level of familiarity compounding over time. I slowly found myself more open to talking about my life as she asked questions, a process which taught me what she found important at her age so that I could refine my own questions.
Though my year was unfortunately cut short due to COVID-19, I think about Agnes often and wonder about her perspectives on the state of the world. I know she has seen much and lived through many disasters and trying moments; I would have looked forward to hearing her intriguing opinions. Agnes has opened my worldview by forcing me to think from multiple points of view at all times. She has helped me confirm that I will passionately continue my pursuit of becoming a physician, and I hope that in these few words I was able to capture the breathtaking young energy and spirit that I found in this old soul.