During the time I volunteered through the hospice program, one of the first patients I met was James, who surprised me with his positive outlook. He appeared pleasant and did not seem worried. He was very open about himself, his life, and how he ended up in hospice care. Initially, I had thought that most patients would be reclusive and not as willing to talk about themselves as they navigate through these moments. However, James was extremely outgoing, and the visits I spent with him helped me feel more comfortable talking with patients.
One day, however, his name was taken off the patient visit list. It hadn’t been the first time I saw a patient’s name get taken off the list, but this moment left an even larger sense of confusion. Someone I knew was incredibly outgoing and loud was suddenly someone I wouldn’t be able to hear again. Was he sent home for his final moments? Did he pass away within a week of my last visit? These questions that played within me each time a patient’s name was removed now echoed louder.
Throughout reflection meetings and prompts, I would always be reminded of the inevitability of death. But as I discussed and learned about the many experiences that occur during a person’s end-of-life, I realized how important the idea of acceptance plays into it. As I heard from interviews with palliative care professionals and patients, accepting one’s death is key to the idea of a “good death.” This is true for both the patient and for those caring for the patient. Acceptance of dying helps the patient feel at ease, and this can be further aided by allowing the patient to live pain-free and in the company of loved ones. If I do go on to become a doctor, I know now that accepting the impermanence of life may prevent me from feeling helpless or worthless if a patient dies. What is important is for patients to be free from suffering, not free from death.
Volunteering with the hospice program has been a tremendous experience because of the variety of perspectives I was able to witness. I lived the role of a hospice volunteer, listened to patients navigating their end-of-life moments with their families, heard from a pastor who observes death through the lens of faith and spirituality, and learned from palliative care professionals whose interviews and talks I listened to. The program has shown me a glimpse into the complicated world of patient care and what is needed to ensure a patient feels safe and comfortable. Despite the harsh reality that patients do die, I still am motivated to pursue a career as a doctor. These experiences and lessons learned influence me to become a better doctor by not focusing on a patient’s illness but rather on the patient themselves. The hospice experience has shown to me that not all illnesses can be cured, but most patients can be made happy by keeping them in mind first.