During my time with hospice, I was able to learn a lot about what it truly means to die a happy death. I enjoyed the enlightenment on this topic and its importance in applying it to my own life. Along the way I have gained a variety of lessons that I wish to implement in my style of living moving forward.
The first is that death is not something that should be feared. It is common for those afraid of dying to assume that it is painful and that those who are closest to the one about to die should not talk about the subject. Through Hospice I have learned that death is something that people should be okay with openly talking about. The essence of living is ultimately dying and it is important for those of us helping a loved one through this process to make sure they feel like they are in the right space to allow them to move on. Many people on their deathbed will have last wishes or regrets in their life that they want to place into the world before they pass on for good. It is up to the living to do whatever is possible to aid them in this process, whether it be going on a walk and getting them an ice cream cone, taking them to Disneyland one last time or just the reassurance that they can just rest and what they leave behind will be okay. The experience alone will allow the person who is passing on to move on into their next life to gain a sense of closure.
Secondly, when facing death everyone reacts in different fashions. It is hard to hear that your loved one will be put on Hospice slowly awaiting their death. In this scenario, many families like to move the Hospice patient out of the driver’s seat, take the wheel and do whatever they can to keep their loved ones alive. This lesson is very personal to me as this is what happened to my family when my grandfather was on his deathbed. Now I see that everyone reacts to death in different ways and it is important to highlight that no one way is correct. Anger, sadness, fear and disgust are all possible reactions to learning about the immediate death of a loved one. It is important to note that these feelings should not impact the way you live your life. Grieving is a natural reaction to the loss of a loved one but the grieving process should not be the reason you miss work or starve yourself. At the end of the day, it is important to know that feelings are okay when it comes to losing a loved one. It varies from person to person but it may last 2 weeks, 2 months, or 2 years. All in all one should know how to properly displace their feelings of grief so they do not end up harming themselves.
Lastly, cherish the moments and memories leading up to death. We never know how much time we have before we go. I found it baffling how some Hospice patients would be lively and healthy before Thanksgiving break and then just merely four days after would have perished. It is important to find that meaning in your life that makes you proud. In one Hospice reading a man who knew he would die of cancer decided to create meaning in his life by making a child. He had died a few months later but to him it was the act of being able to produce something meaningful.