My first visit to a hospice facility was at a well-funded center filled with attentive staff, decorations on the wall, and patients in common rooms laughing and talking. The air was filled with joy and could have been mistaken for a hotel at first glance. Every patient had their own room filled with personal belongings and decorations. The patient I saw there had been an artist, and his art lined the walls of his room like a museum. I only spent a few visits with this patient and soon went to a different facility.
This new center was quite the opposite. Its walls lacked color and most rooms had two people, with a frame or two standing on each bedside table. My patient shared a room with a woman who needed constant care and was in a lot of pain. However, due to the lack of funding and available nurses, this type of care was not feasible. The nurses worked extremely hard to ensure every patient was given meals, cleaned properly, and received the proper care. But, without sufficient funds, this was very difficult to manage. When I was there, my patient’s roommate would call out to her for help, and this proved to be quite distressing for my patient. However, my patient persisted and continuously asked me to ensure enough care was given to her roommate. From this first interaction with my patient, I saw her ability to care deeply for others immediately. Despite the little joy in the air or the constant care from nurses, she showed me how to truly find the good in everything.
I had memorable visits with my patient during every visit. She continued to show her love for other people through the stories she told of her life. Every day we would discuss her memory of going to the Rockettes in New York with her family. I showed her videos, and pictures, and read articles about this show. Her eyes would light up every time we talked about them. Even though many visits would be the same, it never failed to bring me happiness to hear her talking about this one trip.
When I first started hospice, I was worried that the time I spent with patients would be filled with sadness and hopelessness. I was not able to fully understand how someone would be able to find so much joy at the end of life. However, throughout my Hospice experience, I found the ability to see greater meaning in death and the end of life. Even without brightly colored walls and constant happiness around, my patient was able to create her own color and joy. Every time I walked into her room, the walls lit up with pictures of the Rockettes, portraits of her family, and vibrant colors.
I never thought I would look forward to seeing someone during such a time of despair during their life. But, every time I visit her, I would look forward to hearing the stories about the Rockettes. My patient taught me that there is always happiness to be found even when times seem grey. Without this patient, I would never have fully understood what the end of life means, and why you should not live in fear of the inevitable. Instead, dream of the Rockettes.