The Athena Institute Hospice Program provided me with an invaluable opportunity for me to develop a wonderful relationship with a non-verbal patient. When our program director first introduced me to the gentlemen, all of the scenarios I had played in my head of what the interaction would look like went out the window. I had thought that maybe we would have meaningful conversations about the purpose of life and we would reflect on all of his most cherished experiences. Or perhaps we would discuss the things he still wanted to accomplish and I would be able to help in some way to make that happen. But the moment I stepped in the living room, I knew this wouldn’t be the case.
The family had told me of the situation he was currently in and I knew that there was no way verbal communication would be viable, since he was both unable to speak and had serious hearing issues. During our first meeting, my partner and I sat in silence with the patient and watched him stare at the T.V. screen, engaged in some kind of old T.V. show I had never seen before. It was during these moments that I had pondered a lot on what exactly patient care meant. Many people like myself, who are passionate about helping others, specifically through the pursuit of allopathic medicine, often misunderstand what patient care means in a hospice care setting. Every second that passed, I felt more useless as I was unable to do anything for him. He didn’t ask for food or water and nor did he run through many similar scenarios which we were trained for in our training prompts. But as I continued reflecting, both during and after our visits, I began to accept my role.
As an ambitious pre-med student, I’ve always dreamed of becoming an extraordinary doctor that was able to do anything. Therefore, I was always conditioned and had the expectation of reaching the stars in any setting I was put in. But not many people have told me the harm that I might cause in continuing to behave that way. The reality is that understanding your limits as a healthcare worker is one of the best ways to provide for your patients. It is not worth the risk to subject your patient to what you think is best for them.
To the patient I had, what meant the most to him was simply our presence. Nothing more and nothing less. Though I wanted to do more for him, there was nothing more I could do. If I tried to do more, there was always the possibility that I may cause unintentional harm from going beyond my responsibilities. I truly am incredibly grateful for this experience as it has taught me a lesson I will keep forever, as I continue striving on in my medical journey. To truly be able to experience first hand, the reality of what it means to be in healthcare and breaking the unrealistic expectations many doctors have for themselves is priceless. I hope to showcase this maturity in my journey through my medical school applications, to emphasize just how pivotal and crucial these experiences can be for future medical professionals. I truly believe that all pre-med/health students should at least experience hospice volunteering once, as it has completely changed my perspective on patient care and end-of-life care.