I was initially unsure about joining this program due to my preconceived opinions on death and avoidance in topics surrounding death. I thought all doctors were to avoid death at all cost, and if this rule wasn’t abided, a doctor would be considered a failure. As it turned out, I was not the only person who had this opinion. Other premedical students and even current doctors shared this same thought. In the PBS short documentary, Being Mortal, a doctor responded “I wish I could do better” after being asked what went on in his mind when interacting with patients that were near death. Doctors tend to believe that they must be able to fix anything for their patients, even the “unfixables”, which are aging and death. They and other aspiring practitioners believe that to be competent and worthy they must “defeat death”.
After joining this hospice program, I gained the courage to participate in and even start meaningful conversations around the topic of death. Specifically, I started questioning if fighting death was the right and only solution. What is the cost to prolong life? Will the patient be in pain for the rest of their “extended” life? Would the patient rather this prolonged path or would they rather find acceptance with their current journey and seek closure with their family, friends, and personal issues? I can now see that there are benefits to both fighting and accepting death, and that it takes a good doctor to be able to prepare for and provide each of these methods, whether it be through medical treatments or giving closure. With the help of the hospice community and peers with similar preconceptions, this topic became more than “taboo”. It became a topic capable of changing once scared and stubborn minds and of shaping the beginnings of future medical practitioners.
One of the most meaningful moments during my interactions with my patient and her husband was when her husband recounted his and his wife’s battle against a certain disease; My patient is not able to speak but is conscious. He told me that when his wife received her diagnosis, they were told that it would be terminal and that she would only have 6 months left. Her husband told us that he remained hopeful and continued to try every and any kind of treatment (clinical trials, special ointments, etc.). As the months went on, he slowly gave up as each treatment led to no avail and his wife’s condition worsened. Fast forward to a week ago, when he exclaimed that it’s already been a year and that his wife was still with him, even if she was still slowly losing her strength. I found this to be the most meaningful moment because her husband had somehow stopped fighting death but still remained hopeful. This feeling is what I read about in the program’s prompts and discussed in group meetings, so I found it astonishing when I was finally able to see it in person.
I find this program extremely valuable for premedical students and their medical school applications, especially those who are unsure whether or not medicine is the path for them. This program trains students on how to think and react to situations relating to death and what to expect when working in hospice care or other similar medical areas. Not only does this program provide a different perspective on death, it also provides an opportunity to interact and use newfound skills with real patients. Throughout the program, students, such as myself, can develop close bonds with their patients and their families and truly see the inner workings of hospice and hospital care.