Since starting the Hospice program with Athena, I have learned a lot about what end of life care really is. In September of 2024 I met “Mr. Smith” playing bingo at a table in the lounge of his senior living facility. It had been awhile since I had interacted with someone of his age, especially someone who was as sick as he. I didn’t know what to expect from the interaction: what would he want to talk about? Will we spend any of our time discussing the meaning of life? Would he want to talk about his condition at all?
As it turns out, our first few conversations were just as one might expect between a college kid and senior citizen. “Mr. Smith” talked about his younger years– his job, his children, his wife, and (much due to my curiosity) what he did during the second world war. He asked me about what I was doing in my life, and I would talk about school, friends, swimming and such. It was, by all accounts, a “normal” interaction.
But as we became more accustomed to each others’ company, our conversations started to get more “real”. His health deteriorated and concerns over his mortality mounted. It was around Christmas time– when the weather turned cold and he was not allowed outside– that he confided in me that he was worried about his death. He told me that a part of him wanted it to come sooner. He wanted to just get it over with. This was not something I was prepared for at this point in our relationship: we had spent months discussing neutral to positive topics.
We talked about things we can both look for in our lives to make life “worth it”. This, for me, was a lot easier than it was for him. I have plenty of young friends, a mother, father, and siblings. There are things I want to do to leave a positive impact on the world. For him, we had to think deeply about what is most important to him at this point in his life. Ultimately, we landed on the relationships in his life– with his brother, son, daughter in law, grandson, and friend at the senior living home– with which he would find some joy, if not meaning, in his life. Every week since then, we discuss what we did to make life a little bit more colorful.
It is rewarding to feel like I am making a difference in this man’s life. End of life care is such an ambiguous realm with so much grey area. But, I can’t help but feel that, as a believer myself, God has a purpose for everyone– even those who are near the end. Whether it be being a comfort to a family member, being a supportive member of the community, or completing his personal spiritual journey, I believe that every day “Mr. Smith” is still with us is a blessing from God. It broke my heart to hear him talk the way he did in December. But after spending several months since then finding something to look forward to, I can’t help but feel that we added something really special to the end of his journey.
This is the lasting impact this experience has had on me– that the value of life is not defined by what we think we are worth, but by what goodness we can spread to our neighbors and to ourselves through God’s gifts in this life. It is something I look forward to spreading in my career beyond Compassus.