At the beginning of this year, I was both nervous and excited to participate in this program. Even though I had experiences with death in the past, I never took the time to think and talk about death in such an intimate way as I did in this program. Interacting with hospice patients and their families was a unique experience each time. Some patients were extremely at peace with the idea of death and spoke fondly of the memories they were able to accumulate over their lifetime. Others were angry that there was nothing left for them to do but wait for death. And still, some patients were worried – for their families and friends and for what was to come after they died.
One hospice relationship that has stuck with me from early on in this experience was that with a 28-year-old hospice patient. He had just been engaged and his fiancée accompanied him at the hospital for the duration of his stay. This man was only eight years older than me, but his life was ending, when I felt as if my life was only just beginning. His death affected me deeply due to the similarities I saw between him and I, and between his family and my own. This hospice patient was the first one that really made me confront the idea of death as something that one should be prepared for at any time.
My experience in this program greatly changed my understanding of death and dying. In the past, I thought that death was a faraway concept that affected the old. I thought that when young people died we all had the right to be angry and shocked. However, death does not have to be seen as a “mean” and debilitating entity. Death is the only experience that all of us share, which is almost beautiful, in that it is a way of uniting all humans. I discovered that if we are able to become comfortable with the inevitable experience of death, then we can have a more honest and open conversation about it and appreciate life more. This way, death does not have to be so scary. Regardless, death still evokes emotions of sadness and anger. However, this program taught me to recognize these emotions and confront them instead of pushing them aside in order to deal with the grief that is associated with death in a healthier way.
My hospice work has definitely shifted my standpoint on death as a prospective physician. Doctors often see death as their worst enemy and their ultimate failure because their job is centered around saving lives and treating patients. However, this experience has really opened my eyes to palliative care as a legitimate and often necessary treatment. Although this treatment option does not result in the patient surviving and does not cure their illness, like a traditional treatment, it does work in the same way to improve the overall well-being of the patient and provide comfort. It is extremely important for a doctor to provide this option when all other treatment options have been exhausted. A doctor cannot avoid death, but they also cannot completely fear it. I think that it is important for a doctor to be well-versed on hospice and palliative care options to provide their patients with the best care possible. If a doctor can become comfortable with the idea of death, then I think this will bring added comfort to their patients and I look forward to using this hospice experience and the knowledge I have gained in the future when I am a physician myself.