A New Idea of Treatment
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Treatment is not synonymous with getting better. That is the quintessential lesson I’ve learned from hospice care. My idea of patient treatment was vastly different and extraordinarily limited prior to experiencing and learning about hospice care. To me, treatment meant being in the hospital, patient and doctor fighting whatever affliction a patient was facing, be it a broken wrist or cancer. Treatment meant performing procedures in the operating room or administering medicines that would kill pathogens or cancerous cells. But most of all, treatment meant getting better. Even though I was aware that so many patients have fatal diseases that are unable to be cured, I associated these qualities of regaining health and battling the illness with treatment.
I had the privilege of spending many weeks visiting Bonnie at the Hospice House. Bonnie was pretty open speaking with me about her circumstances from my first visit. She was a mother and a wife but lost one of her children and her husband to cancer. She had Parkinson’s Disease and was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, the deadliest cancer in terms of 5-year survival rate, which is at a miniscule 7.2%. Bonnie had been dealt a tough life, but she loved to talk about the good parts of her life, like her kids and grandchildren, and the incredible experiences she had traveling the world with her husband before his passing. Her strength and gratitude were admirable, but what I really loved about Bonnie was her curious, sharp mind and the eloquence with which she spoke. I had especially bonded with Bonnie over our shared interest in the medical field; I hope to start a career in medicine, and she had built a lifelong career as an emergency room nurse.
As the weeks went by, I was shocked to see the aggressive progression of her cancer, causing her to quickly lose more and more weight and her articulate voice to become more labored each visit. I had never witnessed something so tragic and hopeless in my life; the physical deterioration of a person not by their own doing and against their will. At first it was hard to continue visiting Bonnie through the weeks because I never knew when I would show up to her room and it would be empty. But every time I felt myself hesitate, I thought of her curious mind, how she would tell me to come back and see her soon every time I bid her farewell, and I would hurry over to the Hospice House to see her.
The day did come when I went upstairs to Bonnie’s empty room, and despite knowing the comfort that hospice care gave Bonnie, I was heartbroken for her family. I had wished she had opted for some form of treatment to lengthen her life just a bit. As deeply saddening as this was, I was expecting Bonnie’s fate, as was she, and I followed her lead of acceptance with her reality. Thus, I was able to handle the emotions that came along with Bonnie’s passing. After all, I go to the Hospice House every week knowing that I will encounter people in the final stages of their lives every week — death is to be expected. What I did not expect at all was the call from my mother telling me that my own grandma was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer herself.
This news was not just shocking — it was utterly devastating in a way that I had never felt. She had survived breast cancer and was seven years into remission; this just wasn’t fair. When the question of treatment came and my grandma said she didn’t want to go through chemotherapy again, I no longer viewed this decision as a refusal of treatment. She simply chose a different treatment; one that involved being able to live in the comfort of her own home with her family and hospice nurses caring for her in her final weeks of life. This treatment involved lessening the pain she was feeling and allow her to tie up any loose ends and say her goodbyes. It is because of hospice care that I am able to cope with this loss — I am comforted that she went painlessly, in peace, and felt ready.
My grandma and Bonnie’s treatment was choosing hospice care for their final weeks of life. Both the health of Bonnie and my grandma did not get better during their hospice care, but they were definitely being treated. Their learning acceptance for their situation, preparing for their passing, and spending precious time with their friends and family was the best treatment option for these women.