This year, I have been meeting with Anita. She has navy blue crocs with pink gibits, she likes ice cream and reading out loud, and she has a very sweet and strong personality. When I visit, we sometimes talk and sometimes watch what’s on the tv. I have listened to Anita describe the things she’s seeing that I don’t see (i.e. hallucinations). I have learned about her world through listening to her and asking follow up questions. I have also learned about the frustration she feels at seeing things that others don’t. As I have sat in Anita’s memory care center, I have observed the ways in which the residents are responded to by the staff. These observations have added to my understanding of patient care. I have learned that saying no to a patient is often necessary for their own wellbeing or for the smooth running of the memory center. I have also learned that caring for people with memory loss takes a real emotional toll on the nurse or social worker doing the caring, and that there are real limits of how much care a person can give.
In the powerful and insightful documentary Being Mortal, Dr. Atul Gawande explains that doctors equate competence with being able to fix a patient’s illness. When they find themselves unable to fix their illness, they fear that they are incompetent. He challenges this principle by pointing out that there are two “unfixables”, aging and death. These two things cannot be avoided and thus cannot be fixed by doctors. As such, Gawande argues that the “unfixables” must not be ignored in conversations between doctors and their patients. Doctors often choose to talk only about strategies to “fight” their patients’ illnesses. Doctors fight death so much because letting their patient face death would feel like admitting their incompetence. This often leads to even more suffering for the patient, physical and emotional. In fighting death, doctors actually can harm their patients more than if they help their patients prepare for death. Instead, he makes the case for proactively discussing grave illness, dying, and death with patients. By doing so, doctors can help honor their patients’ values and goals, throughout their sicknesses and the ends of their lives. After watching Dr. Gawande’s documentary, I developed an understanding of a good doctor being someone who listens to their patients and respects their desires, while working diligently to do what they can to fix their patients’ problems.
To my understanding, this program is tremendously valuable for a medical school application. My participation in the program allowed me to get out of the classroom and learn to care for people face-to-face. Entering the medical profession is based on a strong desire to help people address their physical and emotional challenges. Through the Athena hospice program, I was able to begin doing just that. As an applicant for medical school, this experience would demonstrate my commitment to hands-on-learning and my having grown in my interpersonal caring abilities.
I am grateful for the opportunity to learn about end-of-life care through the Athena hospice volunteer program.