Even though I did not get to visit any patients for Hospice, I was able to learn a lot from doing the reflections. I think this experience has allowed me to engage in very deep thoughts about aging and dying. I learned that aging and dying are the only “unfixables” thus they are problems the doctors really cannot solve. Therefore, this creates a lot of fear and anxiety for doctors to try to fight these “problems” for people, but that approach is missing the mark for what is not only realistic but might be the most important for patients at that point in time. There needs to be a shift in the framing to ask guiding questions to understand what a patient needs/wants at the end of their life. The team surrounding them needs to try to meet those requirements as much as possible. It needs to be tailored to each individual person because some people want to die at home, with family, or while in Hospice. Others want to mend relationships with people, complete some tasks from their bucket list, or give a proper send-off to their loved ones. Additional thoughts and respect need to be given to someone’s religion and how that will influence their decisions about their care, bodies, and funerals. I realized the importance of preserving someone’s dignity when they are dying while they lose some amount of their independence.
I do not think that I have ever considered my own mortality or planned my own death. I have accepted that I am in the process of becoming an elderly person and considering my needs at that time is not only beneficial for me but for my future family members as well. Even though at the beginning of training the thought seemed so morbid, I now understand that it would be worse to be unhappy later. These thoughts also extend to my future patients because I know that, like me in the beginning, most people do not think about how they would like to die. Dying is a process and people should try to spend that time living, which I consider to enjoy your time, and not just merely surviving, which I consider just being alive. I think the additional stress that doctors put on themselves to keep people alive simply takes away from the importance of enjoying life. I also think I will probably struggle with fear and anxiety around helping people as I wonder if I will be able to decipher between trying to save someone’s life and recommending the hospice to them. I am not sure where that line is but maybe I will in the future. I also think hospice has helped me to understand to look out for compassion fatigue and to prioritize my health and wellbeing because how can I care for others if I am not doing well. Overall, I think this experience has taught me to be more comfortable with talking about dying with my future patients but also with my own death. I realized that death is something that is inevitable and I plan for everything in my life so why not that.