My time as a hospice volunteer has been a transformative, impactful and overall fulfilling experience. During the school year I was assigned to two patients: the first being “Emma” and the latter “Janeen”, both of which provided me drastically different experiences. Emma was chatty, sarcastic, and incredibly hilarious. I recall being nervous before my first visit with her. Despite all of the thorough training, I was left wondering if I would find the right words or do the right thing in the moment. However, after just a minute of talking and seeing her joke around with the staff, it was apparent to me that we would get along just fine. Our visits together were filled with Emma sharing stories from her childhood, discussing her family history, and she even sang with the music therapist when our visits coincided. Meeting with her definitely challenged my preconceived notion of what someone in hospice care looks like.
One day, after visiting with Emma, I had received a request from the volunteer coordinator to visit with Janeen for the first time. I walked in and my stomach instantly dropped. Janneen looked to be under 90 pounds, she was curled up so her knees were almost to her chest, her garments were falling off, and she was incredibly distressed. Janeen couldn’t keep her hands still, her head was scanning the room back and forth and she kept saying “I don’t want to die” or “I’m sorry” in between groans. I instantly alerted the staff who said that was normal and they would come bring her medicine soon. In the meantime I stayed with her but was unsure of how to help since she wasn’t responsive to me. All I could do was hold her hand and tell her that I was there. I made sure she could hear my voice for the whole visit, never letting go of her hand. Janeen looked at me every now and then, and even managed to get out a “thank you.”
During this experience I called on advice given to me by my volunteer coordinator as well as what we discussed during our program meetings: the importance of just being present. This lesson was repeatedly shared from all avenues of the program, where sometimes there really isn’t anything we can say or do–we just need to be present for the patient. I’ve made sure to bring that idea with me in all the subsequent meetings with Janeen, whether I’m reading to her, sitting with her while she eats, or just being present while she rests. These experiences have taught me to be comfortable with silence and acknowledge that even though Janeen and I weren’t having lively conversations like I had with Emma, me being there was still making a difference.
Being a hospice volunteer has provided me with skills that I can carry through medical school and becoming a physician in the future. Since Janeen wasn’t able to talk too much, I’ve learned how to better pick up on non-verbal cues of when I should engage with her and when I should just let her rest. Furthermore, this experience has also helped me work on being fully present with a patient, both in times of distress and when nothing is going on. Overall, being a part of the Athena Institute Pre-med Hospice Volunteer Program has provided me with valuable insight into meeting patients where they’re at, using compassion, respect and care.