When I joined the Athena Institute Hospice Volunteer Program, I will admit I was nervous. I had no experience with hospice, no idea how to talk to someone on hospice, and no real understanding of what hospice actually is. I soon came to recognize that the program itself is not really about hospice, but about the patients and the people surrounding them.
The “patients” that I was assigned to were not actually patients at all. They were the caregivers of their loved ones on hospice. At first, I was a little disappointed with my assignment. I felt that all of my training for this program revolved around those actually on hospice. I thought a true experience in the medical field was directly helping a patient. However, I learned that a successful provider is one who can communicate with not only the patient, but also the family. The caregivers need just as much support as their loved one who is under care or receiving treatment.
My experience in this program was a bit non-traditional given the circumstances with Covid-19. Instead of making in-person visits, I made weekly phone calls to talk to the caregivers. Initially, it was challenging to lead an engaging conversation when I was not able to see facial expressions or body cues. After a few weeks, however, I learned that the most important thing to do was to listen. Letting them guide the conversation was the best way for me to recognize what they wanted to talk about and what they were comfortable sharing.
“Adam” was a care giver I spoke to who had both of his parents on hospice. His father passed shortly before I began phone calls with him, and his mother is currently at a facility with Alzheimer’s. Although I cannot physically see “Adam’s” face through a phone call, I can hear and feel the immense amount of care that he has for his mother. Adam himself actually suffers from Multiple Sclerosis and lives alone. He is the main family support for his mother and has expressed that caring for her is his number one priority. Despite his own health challenges, he visits his mom at her facility nearly every day, sometimes staying for up to 18 hours. I learned through my conversations with “Adam” how much of a physical and mental toll this has taken on him. He has nightmares, feels overwhelmed, and lacks energy. As a hospice volunteer, I wanted to provide a friendly voice to pervade those negative feelings. I gave “Adam” the space to talk about anything he wanted. Sometimes it was about his mom or dad. Sometimes it was about his occupation. Sometimes it was about his favorite fruits (he loves kiwi). Nevertheless, our weekly phone calls became something we both looked forward to.
Talking to “Adam” taught me that death does not have to be something that is feared. In fact, talking about death is sometimes the best way to face it. As a pre-medical student, it is in my nature to find a solution to every problem. However, in certain cases, the solution is simply what the patient wants. In “Adam’s” case, it is making sure his mom does not die alone. Throughout my experience as a volunteer, I learned how the disease of a dying person affects both the person and the caregiver. I hope that as a future physician, I am able to provide the best care by simply listening to others.