Before I had even returned to school, I had instilled the idea of the “two unfixables” – these being, according to Atul Gawande, aging and dying – into my mind. I knew that signing up to be a hospice volunteer would place onto me heavy responsibilities, one of them being to accept the prevalence of these unfixables in this environment. However, the more that my partner and I forged bonds between our friends at Daylesford, the larger we saw these unfixables become. We have witnessed the unfortunate decline of many of our friends and have even lost two of them, and in the face of such tragedy, the unfixables stare me in the eyes and test my development as not just a volunteer, but as a person.
Some of my friends that I dearly miss include L.P and L.F. L.P was the first person my partner and I met when first traveling to Daylesford. As we racked up more visits, we learned more about him and his family, and even talked to him a day or two after his birthday. We frequently found him walking around and talking about his boxing classes. L.F was also someone we forged a strong connection with, and I may go so far as to say he was the patient I grew the closest to. We always found him in a cheerful mood, excitedly welcoming us into his room and holding conversation for such a long time. One of the most striking conversations we had were about his love for puzzles, and I still can’t believe he took around 15 years to finish one of his.
However, as we got closer to the holidays, we saw the decline of both patients, especially with L.P. After his birthday, we found that his usually chipper demeanor was almost absent, replaced with an even louder quietness and an apparent loss of things that interest him. He always stayed in his room and did not engage in his favorite activities such as boxing, while speaking very sadly about his family not visiting him. Over winter break, both of our friends passed away – in peace, I can only hope.
These two relationships, alongside the ones that we still currently maintain, impacted me deeply and have caused me to change in some ways. With my visits, I have noted an increase in my patience in all aspects of my life, which I personally attribute to having to practice that virtue when visiting our friends. I have also gotten better at starting conversations and continuing them, while also better understanding the importance of listening and silence in conversations. But most importantly of all, I learned a lot about how healthcare providers view the unfixables. They are not going anywhere – and thus, it is the job of existing healthcare providers to make these constants as limited as possible, and the job of aspiring pre-med students such as I to follow in the steps of those who do and build upon them.
This program has been one of the most important during my journey as a pre-med student. Aging and dying are some of the most prevalent topics in medicine, while also being some of the hardest to comprehend. While pursuing medicine requires a vast level of academics, technical skill, and dedication, one of its overlooked requirements is emotional strength. Being face to face with aging and dying and learning from one’s experiences doing so will prepare one greatly for what is to come in medicine, and the Athena Pre-Med Hospice program is one such that offers said experience.