Throughout the last year, I have spent time volunteering in the inpatient hospice unit at West Penn Hospital as well as visiting the home of a patient with late stage dementia. Before I began this volunteering, I had no experience with death nor had I considered my feelings about death. However, through our discussions with Rev. Aaron, I have come to see death through a new light. Though I had never truly considered my own mortality and death, I always associated death with fear. However, after the discussions, I began to think of death as a “finish line”. In this way, death is not something I should fear, but rather is a point where I will have finished building my legacy. In a sense, I can look at death as motivation to be my best and to work my hardest. Then, whenever my time comes to die, I can look back on my legacy and the way I had hopefully changed lives for the better.
Further, I have also learned that the process of dying can be accompanied by a feeling of relief. During our orientation meeting at the beginning of this program, one of the coordinators, Rosemary, told a story about her experience with a patient that I will never forget. She recounted how an elderly woman was dying but did not seem to be at peace. She had something to get off her chest but was struggling to do so. Finally, the patient decided to confide her secret in Rosemary. Rosemary explained to us how the patient told her a dark secret about her past that she hadn’t ever told anyone before. Immediately after liberating herself of this secret, the patient was at peace and passed away. This story stuck with me because of how it showed the importance of giving patients the opportunity to die in peace. This patient was on the verge of death but was unable to let go because she had not reached the level of peace that she needed. Once a staff member gave her the chance to tell her story, she had achieved the relief she was looking for and was able to die. As a future healthcare provider, I must remember that my job will go beyond drugs and treatments. Just as important is my duty to be a reliable and trustworthy advocate for my patients. Especially in the end-of-life setting, my job will go beyond curing patients. Instead, my job will be to provide patients with the comfort and the best possible end-of-life quality.
During my first shift in the inpatient unit, I found myself overwhelmed when a patient passed away within 10 minutes of me beginning the shift. My first task of that day would be to help the nurses prepare the body for transport out of hospice. As we cleaned the body and tidied up the room, I noticed how the nurse treated the patient with the same respect she would have if the patient were still alive. Through this and many other experiences with the nurses, I noticed how the dignity of patients was put before everything else. Whether it be by making sure the beds were made, or the room was clean, the nurses made sure that the patient had the most dignity possible during such a vulnerable time. As a future physician, I will strive to provide my patients with the highest standard of dignity.
My experiences with hospice have taught me valuable skills that I can apply to my own life and to my vocation when I become a physician. Now, I no longer treat death as an ominous character looming over my head. Instead, it is now motivation for me to build my legacy. Furthermore, I have learned that as a physician my duty will be to serve as an advocate for patients and the end of their lives and make sure they have the most dignity possible.