Mother Teresa once said, “Let us touch the dying, the poor, the lonely and the unwanted according to the graces we have received and let us not be ashamed or slow to do the humble work.” This quote embodies the goals of the Ascend Hospice program for which I volunteered. In our world, all humans are touched in some way by death and dying. It is imperative that we all give our time to helping the dying go through the dying process. Through watching my great grandmother pass away from old age, followed by my godmother pass away from cancer, my understanding of death and dying grew. I utilized my experience with death and dying to forge my bond with my patient and to continue the growth of my understanding of death and dying.
When my godmother and my great grandmother, two extremely influential people in my life, passed away, I found myself questioning life and death. My godmother, who was young and healthy, suffered immensely from an aggressive form of lung cancer that spread to virtually every other organ in her body. Watching her go through chemo and suffer so greatly, I began to question why it is that such holy, good people like her pass away so much before their time. My great grandmother, who was fortunate enough to live 90 years, passed away four months prior to my godmother. Having suffered these two substantial losses, my mother gave me a book on understanding death as a child. In reading it, I began to understand that the process, though for those who remain on earth it is painful, it is a natural part of our world and the dying are often accepting of this. My godmother, though she died so young, at only 45 years old, was ready to pass on as she came closer to her death.
My great grandmother was always referred to as a tough guinea, because there were many points in her later life where she got sick and we thought she would pass, for her to rebound and become healthy. Throughout these ups and downs in her life, she was always a giving and selfless person. When she was dying, she was hardly conscious and could not talk. She and my mother had previously said that she couldn’t pass away until my mom got to her nursing home and could be with her. On the brink of death, my great grandmother held on until my mom got there, when my mom told her to let go and be at peace. She passed away five minutes later.
These experiences helped me to understand that life and death go together and that they are natural parts of our world. As much as we want to keep the dying with us, the best thing we can do is to help them through the dying process and provide them with love and comfort. My hospice patient, “Bob”, helped me to expand on what I learned from my experience with my godmother and great grandmother, and to apply it to my relationship with him. Through sitting and talking with him, I realized how precious life is and how we should cherish it and help those that are dying to do the same. Though my patient knew he was dying, and he suffered, he was still happy to see us when we came in and make snarky comments. My relationship with Bob helped me to feel more comfortable talking about death and being around the dying, whereas before I struggled to do so.