Dialogue excerpt from SONYA LIVE Talk Show
SONYA: So, Winnifred, are there rules regarding sex? Such as you can’t have sex until you’ve been seeing each other for days, weeks, months?
DR.CUTLER: There is a process that if a woman engages it, and if she wants courtship, leading to marriage, yes, there are suggested ways of conducting herself. If she does these things, she will find that she will have more men coming toward her than she could handle And her job will be selecting from among the many that pursue her.
SONYA: So there is one standard about sex if you want to get married and another if you just want a good time?
DR. CUTLER: You got it. There is. I think men decide in the first 5 minutes if he’s sexually interested in a particular woman. You need that for courtship. But what a woman does with that as he comes toward her really puts her in one place or another in his mind. And men do bifurcate their attitude about a woman by saying, "This is a woman I can bring home to mother," (or) "this is a woman who I can get into bed easily and will never bring home to mother."
PANEL GUEST (Grandmother, Engaged) : Dr. Cutler’s workshop was marvelous.
SONYA: What did it teach you that you didn’t know before?
GUEST: I started with the ‘calendar’, and took command of it. I said, ‘I’m going out in some way on Wednesday and Friday nights..."
SONYA: So it {the calendar} keeps you from being the passive recipient for someone who happens along and forces you to become proactive.
SONYA: What if a woman watching is already in a sexual relationship and wants courtship?
DR.CUTLER: I would recommend, if she’s already sexual with the man, to let him know the truth. All of these principles and behaviors are based on truth. She should say, I am not comfortable with the way things are. Let’s go back to a non-sexual relationship together. Let’s see how we do with that."
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Copyright©1993, GOOD COMPANY, Minneapolis, MN
Dr. Cutler appeared as a guest on this talk show discussing the messages in her new book, Searching for Courtship: The Smart Woman’s Guide to Finding a Good Husband.
In introducing Dr. Cutler and her guide to courtship, the Program Host expressed: "On the one hand it seems old-fashioned, but on the other it seems very natural. It {Dr. Cutler’s book} is based on biology. In nature, a woman lures a man, then she has the power to decide and choose."
HOST: You suggest women use their feminine power - How do they do that? *** And you say women should go to a bar alone?
DR.CUTLER: Yes, I do, but she should never leave {the bar} with a strange man. The action is to go out where there will be single men from whom to make a choice. Think of the bar as a jewelry store.
HOST: And the guys are the jewels?
DR. CUTLER: Well, she is looking for a gem. But she does not expect to find one in the bar necessarily. The bar is where we practice self possession and personal power. Because we become what we do, it’s the action of doing it - like exercising to become physically fit.
HOST: You say women should not accept dates after Tuesday evening for the weekend?
DR.CUTLER: In the course I teach and the book, these are not just a set of odd rules. What I am saying is to take command of your calendar, you’re in charge. Choose three events you will do that week, and you’ve made a commitment to yourself. So when "George" calls you on Friday night to say, "What are you doing tomorrow night"?...
HOST: It is none of his business.
DR. CUTLER: Right...And you can say {truthfully} that you have plans. This is the choreography of the dance. You allow him to be in charge but you show him how you want him to be in charge.
HOST: Isn’t this a lot of playing games?
DR. CUTLER: It’s not a game, it’s very serious. It is saying to him, ‘I have dignity, I will be treated with respect, and my time is as valuable as your time.’
QUESTION FROM MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER: What if you were at a restaurant and you asked the pretty waitress to have coffee with you that night?
DR.CUTLER: I am sure she would love to be asked out. If she is searching for courtship, she will deflect your request to ‘next Wednesday’ for a cup of coffee.
AUDIENCE MEMBER: But couldn’t men consider that ‘deflection’ as a brushoff?
DR. CUTLER: Great question. They could if she has not mastered the art of feminine power. Real feminine power would make you feel terrific, that she appreciated your interest, and you would know that she was interested as well.
ANOTHER MALE AUDIENCE MEMBER QUESTION: Isn’t this whole process a bit aloof? According to your rules, a woman cannot ask a man out(?)
DR. CUTLER: I do not say that a woman can’t ever ask a man out. I am saying that when a woman is at the stage of her life when what she wants is a courtship that will lead to a marriage, then that behavior will not produce that result.
HOST: You’re also saying that it’s not wise for a woman to sleep with a man too early in the relationship...
DR. CUTLER: Yes, I’m saying that a woman does much better when she first knows what his character is like - does he cheat on his insurance claims, is he decent to his family, is he fair at work - when she learns the elements of his character and then lets him into her intimate space, she knows what she is getting involved with."
HOST (In closing): Provocative stuff!
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Background | Individual items-Individual kit | Workshop leader kit | Order form | A Letter From Dr. Cutler | Televised Interviews
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